Solutions for Stay at Home Mothers

Babies and Toddlers, Women's Health

How to solve problems you may not have anticipated5 Solutions for Stay-at-Home MomsProblem: You feel isolated.Solution: Go out of your way to court allies and potential friends. “The best cure is to get to know other people in similar situations,” says Joanne Brundage, the founder and executive director of Mothers & More (www.mothersandmore.org). “Once you see it’s not just you and that all the feelings you’re having — good, bad, and otherwise — are not just yours, it’s a huge relief.” Brundage recommends library story-time sessions, playgrounds, park activities, parent-and-child movie events, and school organizations as places to find like-minded moms.It’s OK to leave the little ones at home sometimes, too, says Christina Baglivi Tinglof, author of The Stay-at-Home Parent Survival Guide (McGraw-Hill, $15, www.amazon.com), who schedules a girls’ dinner with her friends once a month. “You need to have girl time, and you need to have marriage time,” she says. Of course, some moms may feel conflicted about taking time for themselves, but the rejuvenation you get from brief breaks will help you — and your family — in the long run. And for your sanity’s sake, use the Internet. Find parental support groups or activity clubs in your area, or join message boards to find out what other parents are going through.Problem: You’re frustrated by a lack of validation.Solution: Get a job you can do in the house, take adult-education classes, or volunteer — find some activity that allows you, at the end of the day, to see in concrete terms that you’ve accomplished something. “Working moms have a salary, but the rewards are so intangible for stay-at-home parents,” says Mary James, the founder and chairman of the International MOMS Club, a support group for at-home mothers (www.momsclub.org). “You may not see the results of what you’re doing until your kids are much older.”Problem: Your financial situation has changed. Solution: As soon as you make the decision to leave your job, start living on one salary and saving yours. The benefit is twofold. “First, you start building a cushion, and, second, you see what it’s like to live on one income,” Tinglof says. Also review your family’s expenses. Can you switch to a less expensive cell-phone plan, cable service, or insurance policy? Tinglof believes such cutbacks are worth it. “A couple of hundred dollars here and there add up to significant savings,” she says. Also consider finding a job you can do at home while the kids are taking their naps or doing their homework, James suggests, adding that she’s seen women take up catering, craft shows, freelance writing, and even house appraising.Regardless of your income level, Brundage recommends that women educate themselves about planning for the future, since being a mom doesn’t come with retirement benefits, and life-altering pitfalls, such as divorce and the death of the breadwinning spouse, do happen. “It’s a little bit of a struggle financially and emotionally to do that, but it’s important. It’s a gift to your family if you’ve been able to think about this and set things up.”Problem: You feel a loss of identity.Solution: Try to reinvent yourself. Brundage sees the change from working woman to stay-at-home mom as an opportunity for a woman to reevaluate what she wants out of life. “Get involved in your community, volunteer, experiment with things you never got to do in the workplace,” she says. “Or think about future career goals. We’ve seen women do a 180 and reenter the workforce in a whole different place.”Problem: The kids are driving you crazy.Solution: Join your kids in an activity — even if it means a household chore gets put on hold, says Tinglof. And teach the kids to do for themselves. “Just because you’re a stay-at-home mom does not make you a waitress,” she says. For example, teach your kids to cook and do laundry. Not only will they be able to make their own breakfast while you see to another task but you’ll also get to spend time with them as they learn. Another way to find perspective and calm down is to call on friends and family to give you and your spouse a break. “If you’re lucky enough to have grandparents around or another family you can trade off with, have a date night once a month,” Brundage says with a laugh. “That helps you to remember that, yes, you did exist as a couple before the children came…and someday you may again.” If you have any comments, advice or input, please see this topic here: http://forum.parentalplayground.com/index.php?topic=3297.0 

Leah @ August 1, 2008